The most common, least helpful piece of advice for new parents

Hello Everyone,

"Trust your instincts.'' It is the most common piece of advice I received when I became a parent. The entire world of parenting is full of extremists who are all too quick to tell you they know The One True Way, and that you are doing it wrong if you deviate. Natural childbirth, breastfeeding, attachment parenting, and more all have militant propagandists, so friends and family telling me that I'm good enough and that I'm doing it right if it makes sense to me is an important corrective.

Unfortunately, it's not helpful on a practical level.

If you've helped deliver 700 babies, as has our midwife, or have successfully raised a brood of your own, "trust your instincts" is sound advice because it's based on that experience. When you are brand new at parenting, "trust your instincts" is functionally the same as saying "guess".

Should we wake the baby to feed her or let her get more sleep?

How long do we let her settle on her own before trying to sooth her?

Are these red spots on her skin a concern?

Parenting is an endless series of decisions, usually with incomplete information, often under duress. Saying we should just guess at the answers isn't helpful, we're already making it up as we go.

What is helpful are guidelines. Helpful advice provides parameters. Minimum eight feedings a day, even if you have to wake them. No more than a few minutes of fussing before you soothe them when they are young. That kind of thing.

It's not as succinct, but my instincts have been dead wrong a few times so far, so it's more helpful to have something else to work with.

I really appreciate all the people who have helped boost my confidence, but if a new parent were to ask me for advice, which is a bit of a redflag on their judgment, but in case it happens, I'd give them the most helpful thing I was told: "Enjoy it."

And then answer any specific questions they had.

Wes