Thoughts on having a kid

Hello Everyone,

I'm still getting used to being called a dad, but I have a few thoughts on being here:

Babies are shockingly strong. Like the Hulk ripping away puny steel chains, my not-yet-nine pound daughter can bust through the double blanket swaddle that I, a full grown man, try to tighten as much as possible.

You are never so funny to your spouse as when she's hoped up on opiates.

The greatest wrestling matches in history are, in order:

3. Hulk Hogan vs. "Macho Man" Randy Savage at Wrestlemania V

2. Archangel Michael vs. Lucifer in Revelations 12:7 - 10

1. Me vs. putting my daughter in a onesie

Babies fart a lot more than you'd think, unless you already imagined that they fart a lot, in which case, you'd be right.

It is wild how hard breastfeeding is, even when it's going well. The entire human race depends on it, but it's not intuitive or automatic, it's painful and often doesn't work well. It's also a full time, 24 hour a day job.

Babies daydream about breastfeeding.

The Montfort provided wonderful care, except in a few spots. Specifically, before you leave, the nurses give you a list of parenting tips and a series of appointments you need to schedule. But not in a handout or anything. They just tell you. New parents are famously sleep deprived, so it was a clear four lane highway from my one ear straight out through the other for new information. Also, there was no good parking for patient pick up at the main entrance. I parked in the OC Transpo bus zone while loading up my newborn and recently operated on spouse, so that they didn't have to go far in the snow. I got honked at by a bus driver for my troubles, but let's just say, I was unmoved by his protestations.

Douglas Adams was right about towels. Prior to the kid's arrival, we weren't sure why we needed so many receiving blankets. Sure, they're cute and soft, but how many do you really need?

A lot. The answer is a lot. They keep the baby warm, prop up heads and elbows during feedings, clean stuff, catch spills, swaddle, act as an eye mask during naps. We were much more worried about having enough onesies, and so far, she's only worn one once.

Wes

Photos

My daughter testing her bone crushing grip strength on my finger.

Little simian toes.

They gave me really oversized hospital scrubs before going into the OR. Not because they didn't have my size, I think, but because they wanted me to go full dad mode and hike them up to my armpits. Also, no, I didn't wear my plaid shirt in the OR, this photo was taken later.